


Your Quiet Voice

by isobel__smy



Series: Voices [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Consent, Cute, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Sex, Supportive Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 14:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14896269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isobel__smy/pseuds/isobel__smy
Summary: Magnus had been thinking out it for weeks, and he was absolutely sure. He was ready. He wanted to take this next step with Alec.(This is a side fic for my completed fanfiction 'Your Voice.' While it will make sense on its own, it might make more sense after reading that)





	Your Quiet Voice

Tessa’s living room was a little too warm, and Magnus found himself pulling at the collar of his shirt in a desperate attempt to get air on his neck. Usually he and Tessa shared the same idea on what temperature to set the thermostat on, but today that was apparently not the case. His hands, clenched together and sitting on his lap, were clammy. 

 

“Here you go-” Tessa said, coming back into the room and handing Magnus a cup of coffee. She hadn’t asked if he’d wanted one- just assumed- and usually that was fine, but not today. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her, so he just smiled and took the mug. “So what’s this all about?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean?” Trying to control his face, Magnus attempted to appear nonchalant and casual. “I always come over here. I rarely ever have a reason.” It was true. Technically.

 

“Magnus, honey,” Tessa looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I know you pretty well. And you look terrified.”

 

He sighed shakily, looking down at him hands for a moment. It was silly really; this was Tessa, and there was nothing to be scared about. They were both adults. Magnus was okay now. And still… He breathed slowly, the technique Alec had taught him all those months ago something he'd never forget. It was going to be okay, he told himself. 

 

“Okay,” he said, but his voice was quiet and shaky. Inside his chest, his heart was beating so hard Magnus felt as if he would faint at any second. “So I've been thinking. And I've come to a conclusion. But I want your opinion.” The lights were too bright in the room, the air had ceased to move, and Magnus just… needed… to get out.

 

Tessa nodded slowly, one eyebrow still raised, and smiled softly in encouragement. She didn’t say anything, which was a relief… Because he would have probably started to cry out of sheer shame and embarrassment.

 

“I think… I want to… With Alec.” The words tasted like acid. Magnus could feel his lips tug down, forcing his voice to wobble and tears to prick at the corners of his eyes, but he desperately held onto control. “We’ve, um. We’ve come a long way. I’ve come a long way, and I think I’m ready.” He wasn’t even sure why he was asking for Tessa’s opinion; he was the only one who could know whether or not he was ready. And he shouldn’t have to validate himself.

 

“Do you need condoms?” Tessa asked, voice in the same tone as before, and Magnus remembered why he’d asked Tessa. Tessa always knew exactly to say. “I’m kidding, you’re going to have to get them yourself. But honestly, Magnus, I’m really proud of you. I think if you’re ready, you should go for it.”

 

“Yeah?” Somehow, the room had become a little less stuffy, and Magnus’ face seemed to relax. No more tears hung, ready to fall. A small smile appeared on his lips. Why had he been so nervous in the first place? Magnus couldn’t remember. Everything was completely okay; he was okay. He was better. 

 

-

 

He wanted to do it well, so Magnus had bought roses. There was a strange feeling of anticipation running through his blood stream. This thought, this decision he’d made that now was the time and he was ready, had been playing in the back of his mind for a few weeks. He wasn’t sure what started it, but he’d found himself wishing to go further whenever he and Alec were kissing. 

 

The image of Alec in the bedroom had been haunting him. 

 

Nervously, Magnus tapped his feet on the floor. He was at his apartment, having already arranged for Alec to come around after work. It was a Tuesday, which meant Alec should have been back around five minutes ago. And yet, no sign. Despite the fact it was only five minutes, Magnus had to fight the intrusive thoughts begging to be let in.  _ What if Alec wasn’t going to come round,  _ one suggested.  _ Maybe Alec never actually liked Magnus and this was all an elaborate plan to hurt him even more.  _

 

The doorbell went. Instantly, Magnus’ heart relaxed, and he hurried over to the door. He was aware that as soon as he saw Alec all his nerves would spike again, but for that moment all he was feeling was anticipation.

 

“Magnus,” Alec smiled, cheeks slightly flushed from the cold. “Hello.”

 

“Hello, Alexander,” Magnus found himself purring, leaning against the door to prop it open as Alec stumbled into the apartment. He watched the man pull off his shoes and coat before padding over to Magnus and wrapping him up in a hug.

 

Magnus loved hugs. Particularly, he loved Alec’s hugs. Instantly he melted into the strong embrace of his boyfriend’s arms, breathing in the scent he’d come to associate with feeling safe.  “How was your day? What did you learn?”

 

“A lot,” Alec grinned, pulling away and looking at Magnus with bright eyes. Seeing that look in his eyes always did something funny to him; it showed how far Alec had come- from a man who had no idea of his potential or dream, to this. “But it was all just adding onto yesterday’s session.”

 

“These are for you,” Magnus said quickly, words muddling with the last part of Alec's sentence. His heart was beating to fast, and the hand not holding out the roses was clenched behind his back. 

 

Alec's eyes lit up in surprise, and a grin fell onto his lips. “Really?” He took the roses from Magnus, smelling them and then leaning to give Magnus a soft kiss. It was slow and gentle, and Magnus was completely aware of how close they were.“They're beautiful, thank you.”

 

They wandered into the kitchen, Magnus trailing behind Alec. His heart was still pounding, though he was trying to remind it that this was just Alec. His Alexander. Magnus was safe here. “I'm glad you like them,” he said. 

 

“Any particular reason?” Alec asked, once the roses had been put in a vase and placed on the side. The small, surprised smile still lay on his lips. Magnus’ stomach dropped at the question.

 

“Um,” Magnus said, and then smiled. “Actually, yes.”

 

“Mysterious.” Alec grinned, reaching forward and taking Magnus’ hand. “Am I allowed to know what this reason is? Or should I guess?”

 

And then… the nerves went away. Magnus couldn't explain why, but he was just standing there, staring up into Alec's sparkling eyes, and he didn't feel scared. There was a reason why he thought he was ready, and that was because he was. He loved Alec, and Alec loved him. He wanted this. So he stepped forward, so close he was almost pressing up against Alec, and kissed him.

 

The kiss was not a simple peck, and Magnus could almost hear Alec's brain try and figure it out. To help him, Magnus moved his hands- slowly- downwards, to rest on his waist. Then he guided Alec's hips until they met his. 

 

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, pulling away from the kiss. “What-” There was something in his eyes. 

 

“I…” Magnus paused, desperately trying to remember the speech he'd practiced in front of the mirror earlier. “Of course, only if you're ready and happy, but… Uh- I've been thinking, and- well- I'd quite like to have sex. With you.” Not as elegant as it had been earlier, but it did the job, so Magnus stopped talking and watched for Alec's reaction.

 

“Really?” Alec said, voice a little hoarse. “I- Magnus… Really?”

 

“Really,” Magnus said, smiling a little. He hadn’t expected Alec to react like this. 

 

“Oh, okay- because- I am also ready and happy and- um- yeah, okay-” Alec was tripping over his words, furrowing his brow and grinning uncontrollably. “Shit, words, but um- we should, like, talk first? You know… like adults. We should be responsible.”

 

For once, Magnus felt as if Alec needed Magnus’ help. He smiled softly, leaning and kissing the man’s jaw. “I have condoms. I don’t mind how far we go. I’m a bottom, if we get that far.” He paused. “I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.”

 

The breath that rushed out of Alec’s mouth was hot and surprised, and then they were kissing.

 

They stumbled through the apartment and into the bedroom. Magnus was acutely aware of Alec’s hands on his waist, his back, his stomach- and he was also aware of the soft groans falling from his own lips. It felt as if Alec couldn't bare to have one second not touching Magnus. 

 

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, pausing just before they reached the bed. “You're sure?”

 

And Alec asking made Magnus certain he'd made the right decision. 

 

“Yes,” he whispered back, lips against the other man’s neck. The room around them felt hot- but this time he didn’t feel uncomfortable. Instead, he felt like he was exactly where he wanted to be, and that was perfect. Alec was guiding him back onto the bed, his back hitting the pillows. “Yes.”

 

“Good,” Alec smiled, over Magnus, eyes shining. “You look so beautiful right now.”   
  


Magnus blushed, pulling Alec down for another kiss before he said something else that was completely crazy. “Sap,” he muttered, as the man trailed his lips down Magnus’ jaw. His lips were soft, warm, and Magnus shivered, lacing his hand into Alec’s hair. 

 

“Can I take your shirt off?” Alec asked, looking up at Magnus with soft eyes. His hands were already playing at the buttons at the top, but he wasn’t unbuttoning any of them. Just… holding them. And looking up at Magnus. He nodded, unable to say anything. 

 

As Alec slowly took off his top, almost as if doing it was the single most important thing Alec would ever do in his life, Magnus tried not to burst into flames. He’d been thinking about this for weeks, but nothing had prepared him for this. And all Alec was doing was taking off his shirt. But there was something firey in his veins, and his head was muffled with this unfamiliar, wonderful feeling. And then Alec’s lips pressed against his chest.

 

“Alec-” Magnus stuttered, almost without realising it. Alec grinned up at him, hair messy from Magnus’ fingers and eyes sparkling, and Magnus simply grinned at him. “Take yours off too.” It was almost as if he’d been taken over by the old Magnus- the one before everything had happened. It was probably like that because he felt completely better. 

 

“As you wish,” Alec smiled, sitting up and struggling to take his t shirt off. Magnus hadn’t realised how close they’d been until he felt the loss of contact. He pulled Alec back down as soon as the t shirt was off- flung to a distant corner of the room. 

 

This was completely foreign territory. They’d kissed before. They’d made out on the sofa like horny teenagers before. But this… being half naked in bed with Alec… that they’d never done before. And it was wonderful. Magnus used on of his hands on Alec’s waist to pull him closer, so their groins rubbed against each other’s. 

 

Alec’s mouth was straying again. He trailed down Magnus’ jaw, across his neck, onto his chest. His hot breath fanned over his skin, leaving trails and marks. Magnus knew he’d remember this soft touch of air forever. And Alec was whispering words. He couldn’t make it out, at first, but then he realised Alec was saying Magnus was beautiful.

 

“Can I…” Alec whispered again, but this time his fingers were playing against Magnus’ jeans. A small gasp fell out of his lips as Alec’s fingertips brushed up against his abdomen, and he involuntarily bucked upwards. Alec smiled, then purposefully tracing a pattern into his abdomen so Magnus had to close his eyes in surrender to the feeling shooting through him. “Magnus… Can I?”

 

“Yes…” His words were barely spoken- they were barely words at all- but Alec understood. Alec started to undo his jeans, slip them down his legs.

 

He hadn’t been this physically vulnerable with another person in a long time. The last time… had been in the shower, and Magnus really didn’t want to think about that, so he shoved that memory away as soon as it resurfaced. And anyway, this time was completely different. This time, Alec was staring up at him, into his eyes, as he pushed the jeans down, leaving Magnus only in his boxers. This time, he felt quite safe. And he felt as if he could leave if he ended up wanting to. 

 

And this time, he wasn’t the one making all the effort. Magnus let out another gasp as the jeans were dropped off the bed, and Alec’s lips pressed against the corner of his boxers. It was such a tiny hit of contact, but it had been enough to send his body into shock. “Alec-” he whispered, head falling back again.

 

Because Alec was doing everything.

 

Magnus wasn’t doing anything. Which was… fine… because sex was like that sometimes. One person did something, the other person was still participating, just not… as actively. And it was okay that Magnus was now the one not making all the effort, because he and Alec loved each other. And if Alec wasn’t having fun, he’d stop. 

 

And yet… Now he couldn’t concentrate on the way Alec’s fingers pressed into his waist, or the touch of lips against his hips. He could barely hear the whisper of Alec’s voice. Because all he could concentrate on was the fact that he should be doing something for Alec. 

 

“Alec, wait-” Magnus stuttered, a flutter of shame rising in his chest. His heart beat loudly, desperate to run away and hide. Alec instantly froze, looking up and moving away. “I-” But he couldn't say it, not as Alec looked up at him with those beautiful eyes. 

 

“Magnus, if you want to stop, we can.” Alec said softly, in that soft voice he'd fallen in love with, and Magnus closed his eyes with a sigh.

 

“No. But… I should do something for you,” he mumbled. “It isn't fair if you do it all for me.”  Another flush of shame ran through him, red hot, and he itched to do something with his hands. 

 

“Magnus,” Alec breathed, eyes wide. “Magnus, this is doing something to me.” There was a tug on Magnus’ lips, and he struggled not to cry; he didn't understand, and he'd just wanted to do this normal thing with Alec, and now he was remembering everything he'd done to force Camille away. “Darling, Magnus, look at me.” 

 

He hadn't realised he'd closed his eyes. 

 

But he didn't want to look at them, not yet. Opening them meant looking at Alec, and that meant facing up to the fact he'd just totally freaked out over nothing. The fact that he’d ruined everything. So he kept his eyes shut. Alec would understand.

 

“That's okay, Magnus.” Beside him, Alec seemed to adjust himself. Magnus tried to forget the fact that he was in his boxers. “I'm really sorry.”

 

“Why are you sorry?” He mumbled, opening his eyes but not looking at Alec. Instead, he focused on the little scar on his thigh. It was from years ago, an incident involving a straightener. “It's my fault.”

 

“Actually, it's neither of our faults.” Slowly, almost as if he were scared Magnus would bolt at the contact, he felt Alec take his hand. Alec's hand was cool against his clammy one. “But I'm still sorry. Shall we… cuddle and sleep?” 

 

“But…” Finally, finally, Magnus forced himself to look at Alec. The man’s eyes gazed at him softly, showing nothing but understanding, and he found himself genuinely believing that Alec would be happy to just cuddle. Even after Magnus had lead him on. It was strange notion, but the truth was in Alec’s eyes. “But we decided earlier that tonight…”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Alec shrugged, a small smile on his lips and his fingers ghosted over Magnus’ jaw. Magnus found himself leaning towards the touch. “What we decided earlier doesn’t control our decisions now.”

 

“Alexander Lightwood…” He couldn’t help it. Magnus leant forwards and caught Alec’s lips. They were as soft as they had been before, and Magnus couldn’t help but smile. “You truly are a wonder. I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Alec replied, and oh how Magnus loved those words falling from those lips. “So, shall we cuddle?” There was a faint grin pulling at his pink lips, but Magnus shook his head, lying back on the bed and running his hands through Alec’s hair. His heart had slowed down again; he was with Alec. He didn’t need to worry about proving his worth. 

 

“No,” he murmured. “I quite liked what you were doing before.”

 

“Did you?” Alec said softly, teasing, bending down and pressing a small kiss to Magnus’ abdomen. A shiver ran through his body, electrifying his senses again. “And what was I doing before?” But before Magnus could even answer, his mouth was trailing downwards, and Magnus was gasping.

 

“This-” he stuttered, gripping Alec’s hair as the man hooked his fingers into his boxers. It was so utterly overwhelming, having these sensations rushing through his body, but Magnus didn’t have to worry about proving himself useful… And he could let himself drown in the feeling of Alec, Alec, Alec, all around him. “This, Alec-” 

 

There was a small breath of air against his inner thigh as Alec himself moaned. He was… enjoying this. He was enjoying this, despite the fact that he was getting nothing. Magnus could hardly believe it, but his brain couldn’t cope with thinking as well as the fire in his veins, so he stored that piece of information for later.

 

-

 

Later, Alec was asleep, and Magnus was awake. And Magnus found himself thinking again. He remembered the way Alec had mouthed down his chest, pressing hot kisses over his skin, whispering about how beautiful Magnus was. It had made him gasp. Alec had made him feel so utterly cherished, and now he was going to think about it for the rest of his life.

 

He’d freaked out, at the beginning. And while that embarrassment was going to haunt him for a few months… It was okay. Alec understood it. Magnus understood why it happened, and forgave himself. In the end, it had still ended up how they’d imagined it. How he'd wanted it to.

 

Another shiver ran down his spine as he remembered Alec's fingertips ghosting along his jaw, Alec's lips against the soft skin of his inner thigh, Alec's hot breath as he paused for a moment just looking at Magnus before… 

 

He smiled. 

 

And now Alec was lying next to him, a small smile on his lips, small snores filling the calm atmosphere of the room. It was a small slice of paradise Magnus hadn't realised he'd be able to find again. He was so happy. Smiling, he closed his eyes. He was so proud of himself for getting this far. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!
> 
> It's been such a long time since I've posted anything, wow. I think after my last fic (The Hardest Part,) I just needed to take a break. 
> 
> But then I missed the characters, especially the two from the Voices series. So I went through all your prompts and suggestions for this universe, and I created this. 
> 
> So, thank you for your prompt. I hope you like it <3
> 
> It was hard to write- I kept it no explicit at all, and still I've never written something like this. But I knew it was an important milestone for Magnus, and I wanted to explore the situation. 
> 
> Tell me down in the comments what you thought.
> 
> Also message me with any other prompts you have for these characters! (I already have a few I might write soon).
> 
> Thanks for reading xx


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